up to date...

so its been a while.

up till now my oldest has started school, we had my youngest 1st birthday and halloween. Two anniversary's in the family and thanks giving..not sure if this is in the right order now..nope cause thanks giving was before my youngest's bday..anyway...its almost christmas!!
yeah very excited for christmas here. We have had a busy couple of months with school and party's and what not but its been pretty awesome.Not much has really bugged me about anybody or anything in fact I have pretty much ok experiences being out and about with other mom's who's kids go to school with mine. Becasue of the connection i find it easier to talk to them and they talk to me even when i don't make it a point to speak. Really nice since I have really bad anxiety around people..plain and simple, I don't really like them but only because most of the people around here judge other people on silly things like wheather or not they have carrers (which I don't but being a stay at home mom is a HUGE job in itself) or the clothes you where or how much you could get you kid..etc...
Yeah I thought the cloths thing would just be a high school thing but its not. Anyway the mom's that I interact with while dropping off or waiting for my kids to get out of school are nice..not that we talk about our deepest darkest secret or anything like that but we do have chats about what the kids are doing in school or how they like school and I have come to find out that every kid in my kids class thinks he's awesome! Most of the parents let me know that their kid talks about him all that time and its always good stuff!
Makes me feel awesome as a mom to know that he is a great kid and that every one thinks he is now if only he can be that awesome at home...lol
isn't it always the way...kids are awesome when outside the home but once they get near mom and dad they become little monsters..me and my sister were like that and now my kids are like it..haha
well got big news but that will be later.

I am FAT...

Ok let me give you some boring stuff to mentally chew on first. I am fat. There it is said, I have polycyctic ovarian disease and it keeps the weight on my and it is a struggle to get off a single pound. Also I am an emotinal eater since junior high, which is also when I became depressed because of a million different teenage reasons. Now with that said I was not fat in school but everytime I looked in the mirror fat was all I could see because some kids called it to me one day and I being totally and utterly stupid believed them.
I am fat now. I am not going to be one of those people to blame it on a disease but I will own up to the fact that it was mostly me because I gained most of my weight before being diagnosed with 'PCOD' and I do not have the will power to get rid of it.
Trust me I tried a million time and the closet I got was losing 30 pounds only to find out I am pregnant with child number 2 and to gain it all back again and more.I have tried to do the buddy system because I can totally work out better with other people then by myself but everytime someone is there for me its only once and then they are gone or they just don't bother at all.
Now knowing your fat and hearing it every damn day is two different things. I hate going outside to play with the kids or walk down the road or go to the store because people always ask when are you due? ( I had my baby number 2 nine months ago) so I laughingly say no I am just fat but the people who ask are people who see me around and know of me and some of them even know me!! if I was pregnant they would be one of the first people to know.
Look I am writing this just so people who read this can know that yes I am fat but there are alot of reasons and if you are one of those people who comment about fat people or say things to fat people then maybe you should consider first what is going on with them...I know everytime I hear it, it breaks me down a little bit more on the inside and the first thing I do is go eat because food makes me feel better and trust me I have tried everything that I could afford to not do this.
If you are fat like me just knowing someone out there is probibly going through the same thing right now feels good. You are not alone and even right now as we speak I am still trying to get this weight off but I am eventually going to tell people to F--- OFF if someone else asks me about my belly. People are so rude and should really learn to keep their comments to themselves.
I guess that is enough said...I shall keep you all posted on the weight issues.

Not Listening!

Well since in my life I feel their is a lot of people that don't listen to me I figured I would let it out here about how annoyed I am that EVERYBODY don't listen. I get people tell me that I am loud and I try to explain its  because I have to talk over everybody else to be heard..and I mean my kids and husband,parents and friends but they all seem to think that I don't but I do.
Even strangers don't listen. Honestly I think the world is gone def and nobody stops to listen to whatever everyone else is saying because they honestly don't give a crap what is going on with everyone else. Look I am not by any means saying that I am perfect but goodness...I listen more then the people I know anyway.
I am constantly listening to what I should wear or do with my life or how about listening to older people on how to raise my kids because they think they know better.
I am always arguing with my son cause he never stops to listen to what I am saying and that really bothers me and he gets it from his dad because he does not listen to me either. All my son does is cry and whine till he gets his own way or at least thinks he is going to get his own way and it never works..instead he ends up in trouble and still has to do what I told him to do but he could have saved an hour of arguing and not gotten in trouble just by saying 'yes mommy'...
LOL that is kind of what they told my husband to do at our wedding. Say 'yes dear' to everything and he would be fine :)
I sometimes just shut up and be quiet just so all the 'not listening and arguing and raised voices' can stop.Really what is so bad about listening to other people..I do it all the time and I am sorry if I am repeating myself but there is really not much else to say other then people don't listen to me and I have tried to say that and it just does not work.
I don't know maybe someday somebody will eventually get a clue...

The long road

Today is our 5th anniversary. Seems so small compared to other couples who have been together for 22 or 66 years or whatever but to us its still a huge mile stone.
Not like we have been on the edge of always leaving and it was a struggle to get here...we Love each other and always have, just our life took a different turn then we planned and through the ups and downs we have had time to relax enough to say "hey, we made it this far..." (LMAO)!
We had a nice relaxing supper...and anybody who has kids knows what i mean..relaxing meals are things of the past when u have little kids. We are constantly trying to get our oldest to sit down long enough to eat and our little one is constantly makeing a racket while we eat cause she wants our food or we aren't feeding her fast enough..so, we got a babysitter (bless my mother!) and we went out.
The food was great and like every mom or almost every mom I am guessing or at least every mom I know I was the whole time secretly wondering if the kids were all right even though I KNOW when they are with my mom they are just fine.
My gift from my husband on our anniversary was... wait for it...



Nothing....


last mintue he gave me a card.
The card discribed him to a T and it was very sweet but isn't it just like a guy to go ahead and forget about gifts..he did not forget it was our anniversary and remembered to be ready to go out for supper but that was all. yes i got him something and in fact i am not really that mad...just disapointed and totally saw it coming.
Well besides that nothing else much happend..we watched a movie and what else are you going to do right? once the little ones are in bed we just want to veg on the couch and we like it that way.
Nice to be with someone long enough to do nothing and I am sure that we are going to have more eventful years to come.

Oh Canada!

So its Canada's birthday again, happy Canada day everybody. Just figured that I would relay some of the events of the day...first starting with our little family of four all dressing in red and white, obviously for canada day. Then off to the celebrations.
Our celebrations consist of food and games for the kiddies..my son being old enough to participate had a blast and won some prizes and my daughter not being old enough to participate in the games was old enough to sit and watch the other kids run and play...and she had a blast!!
All in all it was a great family day. After everything was over it was still a nice enough day to go to the playground in which my son played with the other kids up there and my little girl slept while us adults sat around and chatted about nothing in particular.
Isn't that usually how it is, on beautiful days in which every one is just enjoying the day nobody really talks about anything important...I much rather it that way. Days that we can forget about the bills and worrying about everything else in the world and just sit and enjoy the day..play around and laugh and have fun. I don't think us adults have many of those days but when we do we sure do appreciate them.

I obviously took a lot of pictures...I am a picture nut! camera happy in every way taking over 400 almost every month...kinda feeling like if I don't then the kids will grow up to fast and I won't see it but they are great pics, and here they are. My two munchkins sittin on the hill and the canada flags spell out oh canada btw.
Also got to see some family today that I haven't seen in a while and it was great. Got to love these kind of days really and I know I am totally being repetative but it really was a great day, and I am going to leave it at that for now people and hopeing that you all had a great day as well.

Awkward conversations...

So, yesterday while out for a walk I ran into an old friend. Funny to even say that...old friend, like we're 90 or something when in reality we are both pretty young. But anyway I say old friend because it has been at least 6 to 8 YEARS since we hung out. I've been out of school for six and we eventually grew apart even before we got out of school.
Anyway, I use to know this girl like the back of my hand...and she use to know me. There was a point that our parents knew where we were and that we were together..yes i know that friends will eventually drift apart and we each move onto our own lives (in which she is doing very well) but still, I can't help but feel a little sad for what we use to have.
The whole point of this was that when ever we see each other now (which is about once a year she comes back into town to visit her mom) we are reduced to the awkward hello's...how are u and nice weather conversations. How did things get like that?! it's terrible.
I am like this with most of the people I use to be friends with...I knew the secrets of these people and they knew mine! (only childhood stuff but for us it was important stuff). I just can't help but think about what I would really like to say to her but instead we act like complete strangers just passing through..in fact I have had more intimate conversations with a complete stranger then an old friend.
Yes I do have friends and in fact my best friend from school is still in my life i get to see her twice a year due to her schooling being so far away and I also named my daughter after her...but I still miss the way we were all friends back in the day.I don't even have contact with some of the people I use to be friends with but all these people for the most part keep in contact with each other.
Its the conversations and the realizations that we are all different people now that make me wounder how this happened and if there would or could of been anything that we could have done to change the outcome. I have tried to keep in contact and make play dates and invite them for coffee but things always come up or they never show up. The friends I have now are awesome but we are no where near as close as the little click i use to hang with in school..another questions...why do we get so close to people through school?
I use to think that I would be with these people forever but alas...we are down to the awkward conversations.

To choose or not to choose...shouldn't even be a question!!

So i was gonna write about something alittle different and a little less upsetting but i just found something that came to my attention and it truly upsets me and figured i would vent it out.
Without naming names or anything else i read somewhere that someone was choosing between going to a night club and hanging out with there little kid and they chose the night club...like WTF seriously...since when do parents choose between going out to have a good time and hanging with ur kid..need i remind people that u HAD a good time making that kid!!! once in a while is nice don't get me wrong since i had my son i have been to the club or around here its just a bar maybe 3 times in 4 years and i plan things ahead of time and book the babysitter and leave numbers (i am a nervous person when i go out and want to call like every 5 minutes) but i do have my fun but when i am seeing parents stating that they are going out with this one or that one or here or there and no mention of their kids then i am thinking who the hell is raising the child!!! call me old fashion or whatever...call me down to the dirt i don't care but if u are going to have a child then u raise that child to be a thriving member in the community or where ever u live...my mother taught me this way and this day and age i see parents as young as me or single teen moms just drop there kid off to their parents and then go off and still be teens..i am sorry but u should not be a teen any more u need to be a responsible mother...teen or young parent or old for that matter i do hear of much older women who don't raise their kids either and spends all their money out to the bar...just makes me sick!! nobody should choose anything over their child..i can only imagine how i would of felt if i grew up knowing my mother choose everything else over me and i would never let my kids feel that way ever! (btw..my mother was never like that either, her and my father were both very loving and caring parents and a way to tell that they were...i was mad at them for most of my teen years because they cared and i just thought they didn't want me to have fun but now that i have kids of my own i TOTALLY understand)
on a different note i went for a walk with my kids today which was awesome...my little girl loves going out so not a sound out of her and my son is just a non stop chatter box...our adventure today was reading the back of cars and trucks to see there names..he was facinated to hear that automobils had names to them so that is what we did today walked around for like an hour looking for cars and trucks to read...everyone of them passing by and the ones in parking lots...total fun and no joke he is one smart and funny little dude.
Because I am a young parent i do sometimes long for the days of my teenage years which was like a very short 6 years ago for me to go dancing and run around like i use to but if someone asked me today if i would change anything in my life i would not...even though i am tired all the time..up at night and for the most part can't drink not that i even want to cause i don't really like much...would rather drink coffee or pepsi still there is so much to being a mom..but like everything in life its a fun learning experience and eventually they will grow up and be gone on with their lives and then who's to say that i am to old to go out and dance and hang out like i use to...totally not...ur only old if u believe it..lol
some days i feel it...lol now don't get me wrong i still get to go out..me and my hubby believe in having some time off where he goes out and i watch the kids or i go out with friends and he watches them...not for all night now but for a few hours for coffee and back home again..
anyway people this is what i have to say...a child did not ask to be here you brought it into this world and u need to take care of it...and not like its some chore or duty that u don't want to deal with but with love, hugs and kisses and disapline. babies are fragile or as i tell my son breakable and we need to make them strong and show them that we love and care for them..one day my kids will each have a turn hating me for some stupid reason but at least when it matters most and counts the most they know that i was always there and always will be there when they need me and that i always will love them...
ttfn and maybe alittle something later...

And here I am

So this is my very first post. My very first blog in fact...so here's a little something before i sign off. I am 24, married for almost 5 years and i have two awesome kids, My son who's 4 and my little girl who is 8 mths. I am still figuring out how this blog stuff works and I am not the best at spelling or grammer or remembering that my i is suppose to be big when referring to myself..so please forgive any typos...lol
I am here to voice my point of view on life then again that is why most people are here but hey I just feel like i need to voice something before i explode..yes i have a lot to say and glad that i can say it here. I do not plan on offending anybody or nothing like that just ranting and raving with some comedy in there somewhere i guess...lol
I'm a little corney or so i am told especially my snese of humor or according to some people my lack there of...i think i am pretty funny. Not stand up comic funny but as funny as the average person. There will be a lot of stuff in here about me being a mom because that is what i know.
I am a mom.
Plain and simple and have been for 4 years and no I DO NOT know everything!! came across a mom in a store once and she was a new mom who I knew her child only being a few months old and my child being about 3 at the time and i over heard her talking to her friend who was pregnant and she said and i quote *trust me i am a mom and i know everything* i bit my tounge and walked away...what mom knows everything..like really every person in my opinion is still learning until the day they die! as i said i know her but is not friends with her...did not like what she said in the least..nice that she has confidence but there are other reasons i do not like this girl either and we will not get into that.
I like coffee a lot! started getting into when i was pregnant with my first child (my son) cravings is all i got to say...lol and i like to read and watch tv and cook and dance and I love music and drawing...i have not picked up a pencil in a while due to not really having time with the kids around but i can draw...probibly not worth being called an artist but i know i can draw..i do have a gift there but just not fine tuned.
So my husband and I started dating my last year of high school and have been together ever since. Things went faster then planned but hey it happened for a reason..got married and had a baby about a year later and that was the fast part along with the baby growing into a big kid and now having another baby...man they grow fast. Things weren't exactly as planned but you go with the flow and see how things end up and so far there has been bad parts but moslty good parts.
So this is it for now people...off to bed cause the kids will be up soon...for whoever decideds to read this let me know what u think and there will definatly be more of me...